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i am my own self. regrettably she is everything i am. i hate looking her in the eyes, i hate listening to her, i hate being her. all she does is sit and watch me fail. she prevents me from being happy. but shes me and im her. i hate it. why do i even try to try anymore. this is stupid. incredibly and insufferably stupid. i just need to give up and move on. i dont care about what i have to say. i should just keep my fucking mouth shut.
please do it
i cant win this time
i thought i was okay
just once.
itll spur an idea wont it? ill have something palpable to write about. instead of just my insufferable melancholia, i can finally have a source for this emotion. guilt and resentment and hopelessness.
i hate her. she hates me. why cant i love you. im you. us. one person alone with so many thoughts and horrible ideas. no motivation, no reason.
i hate this.
i cant even do this simple task i enjoy. i cant do anything i enjoy. what do i enjoy? i cant do it. i cant do this.
i need to do it
i need a reminder
its okay
its not
im a horrible person
i dont want to
stop thinking
youre fine
im fine
stop
i hate you
please
i need to feel it
i need to heal
please
dont
what am i doing
this is stupid
i want to cry
why
i hate this
its so hard
i cant
i want to
dont please
i need help