waking
my heart is a fluttering anguish. i can feel it desperately beating against my chest without reason. i feel sick, completely ill from this. of whos fault was it? it is unforgivable and tragic. why me? of all the waking hours it had to be the one basking in pain. the one where curiosity got the best of me and all i found was a corpse. this cruel universe leaving me in the wake, leaving me with no explanation, telling me to mop up the blood.
just go back to sleep. its not real. its not true. here i am alone, writhing, hoping to find stability in the darkness. dont think about it. relax. youre fine. stop thinking.
this anger is irrational. if i had never woken up, if i had never cared, i would be fine. but rather my heart continues its irregular fluttering. just move on, let it go. but its going to haunt me. upset with the universe, trying to forgive what was not your own. im sorry. just go back to sleep.