the way i mourn (and dream)
everyday i live in the wake of regret stemming from my pain.
i crave that feeling and fear it all the same.
i hated it so much. i hated my feeble attempts to have someone care.
it stays with me, the need to return to my old regretful ways despite my fears i might end up dead.
what do i want? what do i feel?
i dont understand what is wrong with me
the only reason i want to try anymore is to hold them close to me and intertwine our lives together. a stupid sentence i never thought id find myself believing.
i dont know how much longer i can keep trying. its all for them, for a stupid hope built in naïve love. maybe theyll kiss my scars and understand the way my mind works
i cant let myself give into death