aware
its hypocritical, my own mindset. my self-soothing is nothing but useless babbling. i can’t hear myself through this unfiltered emotion, i cant see myself. and i've been standing back, trying to see it, trying to understand it, trying to understand why i can’t be. but i can’t convince myself of the things that i fail to do. i deafen myself to my own voice and reason, and walk blindly into it. surrounded by myself and my pain, i see no way out. my mind will forever be this hopeless and incomprehensible disorder i can’t stop. no amount of my own lies or desperate isolation will stop it. there is no soul who can save me, or can end it. i have no choice to but accept it, and confide in everything that hurts me. i will die here, the same dull and hypocritical being i have always been.